The hype has already started and will no doubt reach fever pitch on Radio Bloke FiveLive by the time the first match in the FA Cup Fourth Round kicks off on Friday (yes Friday) evening. They are publicising it by replaying the over the top hyperbole which greeted the shock of the third round, Swansea losing to Oxford United.
When the FA Cup really was of interest, a match between Swansea and Oxford would have been one of those third division games which takes place between sides already knocked out in the first round.
Sadly the magical days of Sunderland beating the then mighty Leeds United, Bob Stokoe running onto the pitch wearing a trilby and mac, and Ronnie Radford scoring from 30 yards for Hereford against Newcastle on a sloping muddy field before being mobbed by 1,000's of celebrating children running on the pitch, are long gone.
The FA Cup today is boring. Even the 2nd Division Championship teams play their reserve sides against the top clubs, who in turn often select their youth team.
There are actually no shocks any more because noone cares. The FA Cup now has as much prestige as the Johnstone's Paint Trophy. Oh and when it comes to the matches the youngsters in the 'giant' team often try harder, and are more skilled, than the plodders in the potential giant slayer.
Sentiment in betting is a bad thing, and the bookies try to play on this in their equally nauseous hype on the Cup. If you are going to have a flutter stick with logic. A team in a higher league is better than a team in a lower one because that is how the league system works. Therefore I confidently predict that this weekend -
- Man Utd will beat Derby
- Arsenal will beat Burnley
- Spurs will beat Colchester
- Bournemouth will beat Portsmouth
- West Brom will beat Peterborough
- Everton will beat Carlisle
- and Chelsea will beat the last romantic FA Cup Winners
Wimbledon, sorry, Milton Keynes Dons.
Oh and if you you think I am the only cynical one just read what was written about the Fourth Round in the best football paper going, the peerless Racing and Football Outlook. Their, perhaps wisely, anonymous journalist described most FA Cup ties as, "ending up as romantic as a puke-interrupted knee-trembler behind the KFC bins."
I've still put on my acca of course and now I'm off to Tipperary where I will thankfully miss it all.
I met Cecil Parkinson just once. It was in 1988 when I was a lowly police officer, guarding Mrs Thatcher on her return to the Grand Hotel, Brighton.
The job was both dull and routine, and also incredibly important and interesting. As a relatively newly promoted sergeant I was in charge of a small team responsible for security on the 6th floor of the hotel for the 12 hours nights (short straw drawn again!) while the PM was resident in her suite.
The conference that year coincided with Mrs Thatcher's birthday and we gave her a card. She thanked us very nicely, albeit in a slightly regal way.
Sir Peter Morrison (her very odd PPS) popped into the lobby area outside the PM's suite on a regular basis, chain smoking and it has to be said 'well-refreshed.'
Lots of the Cabinet Ministers either ignored us coppers, or made a perfunctory grunt of acknowledgement. This was quite normal. Most senior Conservative and Labour politicans I encountered over the years of party political conference policing seemed to regard the Poilice as a bit of a pain.
The exception that sticks in my mind to this day was Cecil Parkinson. I may have this wrong but unless my memory is playing tricks with me I think that by 1988 Cecil had been restored to the Cabinet. Cecil stood out because he took the trouble to chat in the most normal, non-condescending way. I remember him telling me that he could not enjoy Conference until he had delivered his speech, and I - and others - really appeciated the effort he went to understand the necessity of our task, thank us for it and his willingness to pass the time of day with us.
It was Cecil, Bill Sirs (the Steel Union leader), Ken Maginnis (the very brave but also antediluvulian Ulster Unionist MP) and the wonderful Barbara Castle that were the politicians I recall interacting in any kind of normal way with the Police guarding political conferences in those days.
Vice President Palin to take Deputy Prime Minister Abbott Moose Hunting
With Sarah Palin screeching (literally) her backing for the Donald this week, TEA Party support for Trump's Presidential bid is now assured.The doom-mongers ('Danny' Blanchflower and Paul Mason) who discuss economics on the BBC and Channel 4 are confidently forecasting that the slump in China will lead to economic meltdown here. It's all therefore coming together for the first USA/UK summit post the 2020 General Election. President Trump will be greeting Prime Minster Corbyn in the Oval Office, while Vice President Palin takes Deputy Prime Minister (Diane) Abbott moose hunting in Alaska.
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A Doctorate on Balding Referees
Mr Horwood of Bedford had a rather good game officiating yesterday's match at the Amex between Brighton and Huddersfield. He got the key decisions right, and there were not any complaints from the Huddersfield camp about the sending off of their defender Tommy Smith (didn't he play for Liverpool in the'70's?) for a second yellow card after fouling the Albion's Kazenga Lualua.
From my view up in the gods in the West Stand it was also obvious that once again Mr Horwood was another bald referee. Concerned that there may be some kind of personal channelling going on I conducted some research last night.
37.6% of the male population aged between 30 and 47 years have male pattern baldness. However 72.1% of the referees registered with FIFA are bald or balding. This includes the best referee in the Premiership, Mark Clattenburg, who would be balding were it not for the rather effective rethatching work he has had done.
Having confirmed this tendency for football referees to be disproportionately bald, there is now an urgent need for research to be undertaken as to why this is the case? There surely must be a modern Polytechnic University who could sponsor a sports science graduate to carry out this vital task for his or her doctorate.
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Could Bookies Have Prevented the Crash?
The weather has stopped much of the racing since Christmas, so this has given me the chance to watch some of the recently released feature films. Philistine that I am I eschew the delights of organic flap jack and free trade coffee at the Duke of York's at Preston Circus, preferring the deserted screens at the Odeon on quiet midweek afternoons (plus you can pick up a free copy of the Sun in the foyer*.)
Best film of the three I viewed was The Big Short. It got a bit overly moralistic towards the end, but it described in an understandable way how a few borderline autistic maths geniuses made a fortune out of the financial crash. They had worked out the obvious (I am writing with hindsight here otherwise I would have done it as well). Putting together a bunch of risky mortgages into 'securities' does not make them safer - rather amalgamating 2 duff loans makes 1 really terribly duff loan. Any half decent bookmaker understands this principle, which is why the High Street bookies are so keen to promote accumulators to naive punters. Indeed it makes me wonder if BigMac, Paddy Power, the Romford Foghorn and Victor Chandler had been charged with regulating the banks - rather than the feeble Financial Services Authority, the 'independent' Bank of England, Gordon 'end of boom and bust' Brown and the useless ratings agencies - then perhaps the whole sorry business could have been prevented.
Room is an undoubtedly well acted film. The performances of Brie Larson and the young lad Jacob Tremblay are outstanding, albeit in a slightly creepy way. The subject matter is so harrowing that it makes it all uncomfortable viewing. And whilst it is claimed to not be based on a real case, there are obvious parallels with those crimes which occur from time to time (in particular in Austria for some reason) where a young woman is kidnapped and kept in a basement for years. I guess it was located in North America (where mass shootings rather than dungeon imprisonment tend to be the crime of choice) in order to avoid comparisons with these real life German events.
After watching Room I needed cheering up so I took in Joy. This is a film about a woman who invents a mop and sells it on the Shopping Channel (yes really). It's funny, entertaining, not too serious and good fun. In fact it was so good that I popped into Robert Dyas straight afterwards to see if I could buy a Magic Mop of my own.
I give (out of 10) The Big Short 7.5, Room 6 and Joy 7. All are worth watching. Next it's The Hateful Eight which has been described to me by the best amateur film critic I know as 'a cross between Reservoir Dogs and an Agatha Christie whodunit'.
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More research needed on whether Guinness really does taste better in Ireland
Whilst studying baldness amongst referees (see above) is a job for a professional, I am off to Tipperary later this week to continue my personal research into proving whether a pint of Guinness really does taste better in Ireland. After ten trips to the Republic I am inclined to think it does, but many more pints of the black stuff do need to be drunk to get a definitive result.
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And finally ....... boy was I gutted on Saturday. I have purchased my Fontwell season ticket (excellent value as it gives you access to all the other Arc racecourses for free) and was ready to go racing today (Sunday) only to receive an email to say 'racing's off, the course is waterlogged.' To think I turned down my invite to Davos for the first day's steeplechasing at Fontwell Park this year.
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*Honestly only for the racing and oh Deidre's Photo Casebook
With the Chief Medical Officer, Dame Sally Davies, now warning us that a pint of Harveys is sure to kill us prematurely, I did enjoy reading the journalist Robin Esser's memoir 'Crusader in Chains' about the golden days of Fleet Street.
No profession (actually is journalism a profession?) had a greater drink culture than journalism prior to the move to Wapping.
Robin Esser describes a typical day accompanying Derek Marks, editor of the Express just as its heyday was beginning to end. By all accounts Derek was an excellent political reporter before reaching the giddy heights of editor, but in the Fleet Street custom of drinking was an expert-
'I would occasionally be summoned to lunch with Derek. From the office we would go to El Vino, where we would consume a bottle of champagne. Then onto the Boulestan in Covent Garden, where we sit at the bar choosing our food while sipping a Paris goblet of dry sherry (kept in the fridge especially for him.)
At lunch we would have a bottle of Chablis with our first course, one or two bottles of claret with our main, finishing up with cognacs and coffee.
We would then return to Fleet St, passing the Express building, stopping at Poppins. Derek would knock on the door of the pub* and the landlord would open up for us. Over several glasses of port he and Derek would discuss which horses to back in the later races that afternoon.
After that we would walk back to the office. Derek would have a restorative Bovril, continue at work for the rest of the afternoon, before heading home for supper (with a bottle of claret) prepared by his loving wife. He would then return to the office, inspect the first edition, make suggestions for improvements, before strolling over to the Press Club where the barman had been preparing gin and sours which Derek would consume until midnight.'
Dame Sally would be pleased to hear that Derek Marks only did this six times a week (he did not edit the Sunday Express after all).
*Licensing laws meant pubs were closed in the afternoons until Tony Blair's liberalising reforms
Did you, like me, set your alarm to listen to President Barack Obama's last State of the Nation address?
It is fashionable in this country, even more so now we have a Labour Party led by a man whose whole political outlook has been influenced by that anti-Americanism which dominates thinking on the metropolitan left, to sneer at American politics.
The American political system, for all its faults, has much to recommend it. Separation of powers can lead to deadlock, but it is a bigger guarantee against tyranny than our unelected House of Lords. Public officials are far more likely to be elected, even at the lowest levels, in the USA. If the dog catchers were elected in Brighton and Hove then maybe we would see more action on dog fouling in our parks?
With no more elections to face it seems Obama has found a more authentic voice. That hopey/visiony thing was coming back last night, but sadly all too late.
It is has become a cliche to suggest that 'it was great that Obama became President, but he has not been a great Presdient', but it is largely an accurate assessment.
I make Obama's record as President ok, better than George Dubya's (ironically except for his Africa policy) but not as good as George Bush snr. Obama's opponent in 2008, John McCain, would possibly have made a better President. Mitt Romney in 2012 was probably not as good.
For all of the 'Yes we can' vision of his successful campaign, Obama was actually a product of Democrat machine politics in Chicago. If you want to know what that is like take a look at the highly entertaining series The Good Wife, which I am currently spending too much time watching back to back on Netflix.
Obviously no President, with the possible exception of Abraham Lincoln, is going to say in his State of the Nation speech that 'it's not all that actually.' Obama made a good fist of defending his record, but our expectations were so high when he was first elected that I guess it was always going to end with a certain feeling of disappointment.
This time next year I will give my verdict on President Trump's, Clinton (the second), Bush (the third) Rubio's first State of the Nation address.
Ann Treneman is best known for being the Times parliamentary sketch writer until she gave that up last year to become the same paper's leading theatre critic.
Her columns provoked a mild chuckle from time to time, which I suppose is the purpose of a sketch writer. She never reached the laugh out loud standard set by the genuinely funny Michael Deacon of the Telegraph, who along with Dan Hodges and the peerless Matt make me almost tempted to take out a subscription to that paper instead.
I have therefore not been tempted up till now to purchase Ann Treneman's books, which mainly consist of collections of her said sketches.
But having recently ventured into the admittedly morbid hobby of grave visiting, my attention was drawn to a tome she has written called 'Finding the Plot: 100 Graves To Visit Before You Die.'
It's obviously an unusual variance on the 'bucket list' fashion, and I am jealous of Miss Treneman because I wish I had thought of it first.
Part of the appeal of a guide of this nature is to stir controversy by debating the merits of what is in and out. Even though her choices are a bit London centric, she does, for example, exclude Sir Richard Burton who I wrote about here.
I am told that the first action certain people take when opening a biography of a famous person, is to turn to the index to see if they personally get a mention. Indeed I tried it with Kylie's 'Kylie the Biography' but both she and the ghost writer seemed to have forgotten me for some reason.
With a 'grave book' obviously that is not really possible. Unless Pharaoh style you had already built your grave before departing this earth, it is difficult to see how your own final resting place could be included in such a compendium.
The next best thing therefore has to be to look see if there are any local ones included. In an outrageous slur and glaring omission Ann Treneman does not include a single grave in Brighton and Hove.
My nomination - in the unlikely event of Ann asking asking for my help -would have been an unremarkable grave sandwiched between a church hall and Tesco in the centre of Hove.
Colonel Sir George Everest is sometimes credited with discovering the world's tallest peak. This is not correct, but Mount Everest was certainly named in his honour. The mountain had been surveyed by Major General Sir Andrew Scott Waugh in the middle of the 19th century. There were various local names (Deodungha in Darjeeling and Chomolungma in Tibetan) but the Royal Geographical Society decided to give it an English name as well. They chose Everest at the suggestion of Sir Andrew, who wanted to honour his predecessor as Surveyor General of India, namely George Everest.
The feats of Edmund Hillary and Tenzing Norgay in the climbing of the mountain just before the Coronation, and the continuing fascination with the roof of the world (there was a Hollywood blockbuster called Everest only last year) has led to (Sir George) Everest indirectly becoming one of the most famous Englishmen that has ever lived.
According to the excellent My Brighton and Hove History website it is a mystery as to how Sir George came to be buried in St Andrew's Churchyard in Hove. He had no obvious connection with the town, and lived (and died) in London following his return from India.
The gravestone is dedicated by his wife Emma Wing. Sir George had married her when he was 56, and she was 23. They had 6 children, and he was interred with the two that died as infants.
As you can see from the photo the inscription on the gravestone is very hard to read. It is not exactly neglected, but it is now almost anonymous. On my visit this week there was a carnation on the grave next to it, which belongs to Sir George's sister, Lucietta (maybe she was the Hove connection?)
Colonial guilt in modern liberal Brighton and Hove thrives. The history re-writers will no doubt be keen to rename Mount Everest soon. As a tourist city we should make more of our remarkable, and mysterious connection, with the highest mountain in the world before they succeed.
I knew I was making a mistake but I was not alone amongst the cheerful optimists boarding the courtesy coach from Brighton Railway Station to Plumpton Racecourse for their popular New Year's meeting.
In common with every other passenger I said to the driver, "Still on?"
Dutifully, and with only a hint of resignation, he replied, "It was when I checked 20 minutes ago."
Some misguided folk even suggested it would have been preferable to have been sitting in the sun in Cape Town, watching Ben Stokes flay the South African bowlers to Table Mountain and back. No the South Downs are just as good a backdrop, and Castle Lager is horrible.
It had been raining steadily all morning in Brighton, but judging by the water in the fields around Plumpton Agricultural College it had been more than steady in East Sussex.
On arrival at the course, and having paid the £18 (on the day) entrance fee, the stewards announced that racing was on after a 'precautionary inspection.'
I am not sure what they inspected but it looked clear to most observers that conditions were pretty much unraceable. Cynics round the track were heard muttering that the determination to run the first race was in order to avoid giving a refund.
As it turned out 3 races were run swum, before the stewards finally bowed to the inevitable and abandoned the rest of the card. The lake which had continued to grow in front of the final hurdle proved to be the deciding factor.
There was only one thing left to do before catching the bus back - a consoling pint of Harvey's and dry out in the on course betting shop which, without a hint of irony, was showing bloody 'virtual' dog racing from 'Rainham Park'.
The big off track news for horse racing over the new year was ITV 'winning' the rights to televise the sport from 1 January 2017. Underrated journalist Lee Mottershead of the Racing Post got the scoop, which was then well covered in the back pages of most of the papers.
Racing was officially the third most popular spectator sport in the UK last year, after football and rugby union. With attendance at racecourses continuing to rise, it is likely to overtake rugby in 2016. It was only the World Cup which boosted rugby above horse racing in 2015.
Analysis of this development has focused on the poor viewing figures obtained by Channel 4 and some surprise in non-racing circles that ITV bosses were willing to pay the widely quoted £36m figure.
Channel 4's coverage has been technically proficient but all too cosy and comfortable. The presenters seem too often to be personal friends with the jockeys and trainers they highlight (witness all the praise they have been heaping on new trainer Kerry Lee in recent weeks). This closeness to the subjects hampers objective analysis, with the featured pundits rarely willing to criticise jockeys, trainers or administrators in the way that, for example, the best Sky Sports cricket broadcasters do.
Betting is obviously a huge factor in racing. Since John McCririck was sacked from Channel 4 Racing, proper questioning of dubious bookmaking practice has completely ceased. 'Big Mac's' pantomime sexism belonged in the 1970's, but he knew his subject inside out and was a proper journalist. Representatives of the big bookmakers are now invited on to the programme simply to advertise their prices and special offers (the product), and are never held to account on behalf of the punter.
Interestingly one point largely missed in the coverage of the TV deal, is the significant part played by the betting industry in making horse racing attractive to ITV again. The bigger audiences that ITV can deliver will make advertising during the racing very attractive to bookmakers. ITV bosses rightly anticipate that this will be a very lucrative revenue stream.
This potential conflict of interest will need to be closely watched. An independently minded betting correspondent willing to speak their mind will be essential to punter confidence in the new ITV(7) coverage. Gosh I'd like that job!
1. Brighton and Hove Albion qualify for the play offs. They lose in the final, and Bobby Zamora will miss a last minute penalty.
2. Labour's Sadiq Khan elected Mayor of London, beating Zac Goldsmith by wide margin.
3. Spurs to (thank you Linda) win the premiership.
4. Ruth Davidson's Conservatives relegate Labour into 3rd place in the elections to the Scottish Parliament.
5. Wimbledon dog track closes after this year's Greyhound Derby.
6. Jeremy Corbyn to still be Labour leader at the end of the year.
7. Don Cossack wins the Cheltenham Gold Cup.
8. David Cameron declares EU renegotiation a 'resounding success', and schedules in/out referendum for September 8.
9. My new year resolution to not drink alcohol on Sunday's will not last long.*
10. UK votes 'out' in EU referendum by 50.1% to 49.9%
11. Chris Hughton sacked as Brighton manager after play off failure, to be replaced by .... Bobby Zamora Jose Mourinhio
12. David Cameron orders re-run of EU referendum as "it was so close and I am sure the country did not really mean it when they voted to leave."
13. Campaign started by certain unsuccessful local politician to bring the Greyhound Derby to Hove.
14. Second in/out EU referendum scheduled for February 2017.
15. Sussex win 2nd division of the County Championship by record breaking margin.
16. Jeremy Corbyn officially announces his support for leaving the EU.
17. England lose to Iceland in the knock out stages of Euro 2016.
18. David Cameron announces he will resign as PM/Conservative leader following the second referendum
19. Wales win Euro 2016, with Gareth Bale scoring a hat trick in the final.
20. Candidates to succeed David Cameron include George Osborne, Teresa May, Boris and Stephen Crabb. A number of shrewdies back Crabb at 100/1 (even though 100/1 chances never win leadership contests).
21. Pakistan's cricket tour of England passes off with no arrests, failed drug tests or scandals of any kind - and a surprise win over the 4-0 conquerors of South Africa.
*1 out of 1 so far - irresistable pint of Harveys on Sunday 3 January in Lewes, justified by abandonment of racing at Plumpton.
