I can't stand doilies or potpourri so why would I want to join the National Trust?

I have to confess to always having an, admittedly mildly irrational, prejudice against the National Trust.
I do not like those doilies, the potpourri, the pretententious food in its hideously expensive tea shops or the mission to preserve England in aspic. 
Even worse now are the achingly embarrassing efforts by the 'management team' (there's loads of them) of the National Trust to be seen as 'relevant' by issuing blood curdling warnings about climate change and modernising the 'mission' by conserving the childhood homes of ageing or deceased pop stars.
So on returning from a great few days in Tipperary spent drinking Guinness, losing Euros on the dogs and horses and seeing only my second hurling match, it took real effort on my part to appear pleased with my 'welcome home' present.

I fear I am now doomed to a series of afternoons having to pretend to enjoy slowly wandering round stately homes (and not being allowed to see the really interesting bits), suppressing the temptation to touch things just to annoy the ever watchful volunteer wardens (who I suspect are desperately hoping you will touch something so they can admonish you loudly in front of the other visitors - who in turn will tut just loudly enough for you to hear).

Old age has caught up with me early - but at least I got a free pair of binoculars.